8/25/11 (Thursday)

I do not usually write anything on my blog when I do not run or cycle.  I still do strength training on Thursdays, just not a run so as to give my body a chance to heal from two hard days of running on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  But today is different.  Today is my birthday.  Usually birthdays do not really mean much to me.  Though my siblings and I received presents and a cake on our birthdays, it was never made a big deal over.  So it usually is not a big deal to me.  Also, a chronological age really means very little to me.  It is not that I get all philosophical about it, it just really does not matter.  But today is different.  Why?  Because it is my 50th birthday.  Now, I do not feel 50, whatever that is supposed to feel like.  I can only look at the average 50 year old and assume that is what I am supposed to feel and look like.  The truth of the matter is that I have never been in such good physical condition in my life.  I continue to improve on my running and cycling and know there is more in me.  I continue to beat most people in most races that I run that are younger than me.  So why does this make such a difference?  It is purely psychological.  50 is a big number.  Am I old?  While the average 14 year old might disagree with me, 50 is nowhere near old.  But it is half a century.  For a human being, I have lived a long time.  I have seen many things in my life, bad and good.  I choose to dwell on the good things and do not let people know the worst things that have happened to me.  (No, not even my children...it doesn't matter any more.)  I wondered how this day would affect me and did not think it would effect me very much.  But I was wrong.  It basically has me a bit melancholy.  Now the great part is that it puts me that much closer to retirement.  I have been looking forward to retirement for the last 25 years.  Considering I have worked for 34 years of my life, that isn't too bad.

So what is in an age?  Only the value that you give to it.  I truly believe you are only as old as you feel.  So how old do I feel?  I have no idea, but it ain't 50.  And probably even better is that I am in much better emotional shape than I have ever been.  The years have taught me a lot.  Unfortunately, it was through my poor choices on my part, but I still learned which is the most important to me.  Hopefully this feeling will pass quickly and I will not dwell long on it, but I just wanted to get my thoughts down.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.